You put yourself first in so many parts of your life … except maybe romance … and dogs.
I love Princess Nokia’s lyrics “I bring out the best in me, and do what is best for me.”
Internalizing that is another story.
When people put in hella work on their dogs, they start getting protective of them, trying to prevent anything that will set back their progress.
I’ve been doing this with canines for years, keeping them from having negative social experiences, or picking up bad habits.
I’ll do pretty much anything to protect the progress we’ve made over long periods of time and effort.
Ok, that’s great, but learning how to do this with my HEART is something new.
The parallel here wasn’t clear to me until early this morning, the day after Vday.
Honestly I didn’t know it was valentine’s day until noon!
That’s how deep I am in my “no dating, no crushes, no romance” protocol. XD
Through that protocol, I’m learning that I won’t start protecting my heart until I make a solid, solid commitment to that goal.
And commitment is a tricky thing, right?
Since my first relationship, I’ve always been “committed” to getting better at love… right?
I’ve always been obsessive crushing, dating, exchanging phone #s, processing with friends and professionals, identifying problems and trying to do better with the next one.
But NOT doing those things, and working on my relationship with myself, is the hard work that I’ve been avoiding all along.
Similar to how many of us work on our dog skills – doing internet research, talking with friends and colleagues, trying new things, and feeling bad when it doesn’t work out how we want.
We’ll put in a bunch of busy work, but still avoid looking at the deep personal issues that are contributing to behavioral problems with our dogs.
And let’s not forget about all the ADAPTING we do, because change is HARD and growth is PAINFUL.
Acceptance of failure, adhering to self-limiting narratives, is often easier.
Fear of scarcity is real.
We blame gaps in our skills on the dogs’ personalities, we say “dogs will be dogs,” and we go to elaborate lengths to manage behaviors.
When we could instead commit to resolving the core issues.
You CARE, and you have goals, but is that the same as putting in the HARD WORK to get there?
Lizzo is instructive on the importance of choice here:
“Yea I got boy problems that’s the human in me
Bling bling then I solve em that’s the goddess in me.”
Step 1 is getting honest with ourselves, and that’s a tough skill to develop just in itself.
I’m working on simple stuff with my new little guy, Beedee.
His leash manners are pretty good, but I get a special feeling when I see him slipping out of the heel position.
I have a choice there, to make excuses in the present, or commit to my future.
I have enough knowledge about dog training to see what inconsistencies are going to confuse him and make my job/life harder in the long run.
I’m only now learning how to have the same wisdom in romance.
It’s partly about choosing to draw that line in the sand, and partly about learning how to draw.
Princess Nokia – Excellent
Lizzo – Truth hurts
Liphemra – Feel nothing
Hayley Kiyoko, Kehlani – What I need
Kesha – Woman
Kendrick Lamar – i
Carly Rae Jepsen – Boy problems
Taylor Swift – Picture to burn
Kali Uchis – Dead to me
Jorja Smith, Preditah – On my mind
One King Down – Indifferent now
Lizzo – Scuse me
Dua Lipa – IDGAF
Dua Lipa – New rules
Lizzo – Coconut oil
Lizzo – En love
Lizzo – Coconut oil
Kids See Ghosts, Ty Dolla $ign – Freeee
Cehryl – Vertigo
Taylor Swift – I knew you were trouble
KYLE, Kehlani – Playinwitme
Charlie Puth, Kehlani – Done for me
Kehlani – In my feelings
Kehlani – Advice
Taylor Swift – The story of us
Taylor Swift – Bad blood
Kehlani – Piece of mind
Bad Bunny – Soy Peor
Kehlani – Too much
Leikeli47 – Elian’s revenge
Ciara – Level up
Kid Cuti, MGMT, Ratatat – Pursuit of happiness
Cardi B – Be careful
Cardi B – Thru your phone
Jazmine Sullivan – Insecure
Lizzo – Ride
Princess Nokia – Look up kid
Sol – If you don’t call
Madison Bear – Home with you
Carly Rae Jepsen – Party for one
Camila Cabello – Consequences
MO, Charli XCX – If it’s over
Phoebe Bridgers – Motion sickness
Nao – Good girl
Audien, Michael S – Leaving you
Ariana Grande – Better off
Azaelia Banks – Chasing time
Kehlani – Unconditional
Bettye LaVette – When a woman’s had enough
Estef – You don’t get to call me
Madison Beer, Offset – Hurts like hell